Let me count the times I drift in and out of reality and swim through my mind and stare blankly at a distance and if I could recollect what the hell was actually doing, then maybe I could restrain myself from ever starting
((but I don't remember))
And I don't want to be dependent on anything, I want to never need anyone or anything so my spouts of zoning out leave me perplexed as to whether or not I have given my independence to a substance that leaves me feeling the way I have built up that I should
And while brain cells are dissapearing and leaving holes of regret I find it well worth it to get by through another day of a meaningless routine ferris wheel that the carnie forgot he ever turned on
Fuck off.